Week 4: Part 1

Des and I skipped meeting up on Sunday because she wasn’t feeling well so we met up yesterday instead. She came up to my office and we used the treadmills here. Now I’m gonna take a minute to toot our own horns. We totally kicked that workout’s ass last night! For the first time, we made it through all 8 rounds of 45 second runs with a minute and a half in between and spent a full 30 minutes on the treadmills. I know this might not seem like much but if you had seen us the first day, you would understand what a giant accomplishment this is.

Also, those insoles have made my feet and shins SO happy! My legs got a little crampy at the beginning but I think it is because we skipped stretching. I won’t be doing that again! I am sore today where I haven’t been before, but I think it’s because I finally pushed myself to do the whole thing.

I feel invigorated and accomplished. I have my motivation back again and I am so excited about the next couple workouts. I think we’ll easily be doing the full 60/90 workouts next week which will basically mean we’ve hit week 1 of the program. Gah, when I think about it like that, it feels a little like I’ve been forced to take a remedial math course because I couldn’t keep up with the rest of the class.  But I am making progress and progress is what it’s all about.

And now a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. that was introduced to me by my friend, Michelle, that has been running through my head since I read it:

“If you can’t fly, then run. If you can’t run, then walk. If you can’t walk, then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

HEAVY

I watched the premiere of the new A&E series “HEAVY” last night and to say the least, it was an eye opener. I REALLY do not want to end up like that. I felt very sad for them because I understand how easy it is to give up when something is such a struggle. I’m guilty of doing it myself in a few different areas of my life. But I was also kind of pissed off at them, like, how could you let it get past 300 lbs, let alone 600?? You know?

Anyway, it has given me the motivation I’ve been lacking the last week or so. I’m going to spend at the very least a 30 full minutes on the treadmill tonight and I’m going to run for as long as I can as many times as I can BECAUSE I can. I am grateful that I am still able to move, and sit, and tie my shoes comfortably, and I need to start showing my body that appreciation.

BTW, that show is totally going on my DVR list so I can watch it when I feel tired or want to give up.

I know, I know …..

I should have written something by now.  I got scolded by Jana, promised and STILL didn’t post anything.   Sorry Jana!

For the first time ever, I think I just didn’t have any thing to say.  What can I write that hasn’t already been said?  All my old journals, notes and self-motivating quotes I had written down in the last 3 years have pretty much said it all.   You wouldn’t believe the documentation I’ve found going through some of my old things.  It’s made me angry, sad, disappointed and embarrassed.  Why didn’t I just stick with it then?  WHY!?  The sheer bitterness just pretty much made me clam up. 

That was then and this is now…..

I can’t be that person anymore.   So, I’m forcing myself to write.  I HAVE to break free of these mental chains. 

I’m not going to say, “won’t” because I have to.

I’m not going to say, “can’t” because there is not such thing.

I’m will not say, “in a little while” because there is no time like the present. 

I will not say, “I need to” because I am going to.

I will not say, “I am going to change” because I HAVE changed. 

I may laugh, curse, cry, spit and moan but as God as my witness I will claw my way out of this hell hole I’ve dug for myself.   (ok, that was a bit dramatic even for me)  Seriously though, that’s what I feel like.  I feel like I’m fighting the devil himself with nothing but a spork.

So as you can see the last 3 weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions.   I’m very lucky to have wonderful friends who think I’m a nut job anyway, so none of this crap scares them off.

OH! (sidetracked) After two 1/2 weeks of doing so good; my boyfriend brings me back a present from his recent business trip.  This has NEVER happened before so as you can imagine I was a little surprised and excited.   Not in a million years will you guess what this boy handed me. 

A pound of Rocky Road Fudge.  

REALLY!?  Not a “I heart Kansas” key chain or snow globe that has little farmers in it? 

Rocky Road Fudge!!!

I was so shocked, I didn’t even have words.  I just said, “Thank-you for the thought” and went in my closet and cried for about 10 min.  THEN to top it all off, he had the nerve to yell out (while I’m in the closet) “Are you going to even try it?”   I could have beat him to death with that block of fudge, right then and there.    I can just see the headlines now, “Fat girl Fudges up her boyfriend”.  They probably would think I was trying to take it from him, rather than turn it down.   Sooooo, just a word of advice if your thinking of purchasing a gift for a loved one.   Think about what they are trying to accomplish in their life and DON’T do the complete opposite.  Socks, Socks are always good.

So as I embark on week 4, I feel pretty good.  3 weeks have already gone by so quickly.  Even if they weren’t perfect, they are under by belt.   Check, Check & Check.   The next several months will do the same.  Soon I will be on the other side of this and once and for all I will be able look back on what I wrote and say, “I finally did it.”

Week 3: Part 2

There really isn’t much to say about the rest of week 3 because I didn’t do anything. I am not proud of this. In fact, I am furious and disappointed in myself because it was getting easier. I just let other factors stop me. Work was crazy…I worked late every night last week and even came in on Saturday. Then Des was sick on Sunday so I cooked meals for the week instead. Even though I knew I would feel better if I went and ran, I could not muster the motivation to put on my shoes and go. I let my laziness get the best of me.

I did, however, do really well with the diet portion of the program. I brought my lunch every day and only indulged on a couple of meals, and even those were not nearly as bad as it could have been (well, ok, maybe the pizza was a bad idea). That 4 week weigh/measure is staring me down and I’m not going to let it get the best of me this time!

With all that said, I feel much better this week and I’m ready to get back at it. I even brought my workout clothes with me today so I can take advantage of the fitness room at my office. My goal for this week is to get in 5 workouts at least 30 minutes long.  I can pretty much guarantee that they won’t all be runs but it is 2 times more than what I’ve been doing so it will help. I know I can eat right all week long but unless I bump up the cardio, nothing’s really going to happen. (See above about the 4 week weigh/measure.)

In other news, those insoles have basically saved my life. I haven’t ran (run?) in them yet but I wore them around the house all day yesterday and my feet didn’t hurt AT ALL. That is marked improvement from before when my feet would make me want to eat a gun after a few minutes of standing. Stupid plantar fasciitis. I’m also hoping that they help with this weird wart/corn/bunion thing I have on the inside of my little toe. It’s tiny but it freakin’ HURTS and also? I’m not 80! I’m not supposed to have corns at this age!!

So, yeah. I am ready to kick this week’s ass and make it like it. We’ll see if I’m able to follow through this time.

Week 3: Part 1

Ok, so like I said before, we weren’t able to run on Sunday because of the weather. Well, the weather just got worse. Currently, it is a blistering 18 degrees outside and that doesn’t even take into account the wind. I opted to go ahead and do the workout though and decided to do it on the treadmill at my office. Yes, my office has a treadmill in it. Well, not MY office, but the building my office is in. There is a whole little fitness center in there actually that is free and at my disposal anytime I want to use it. Why I haven’t taken advantage of it before now, I don’t know but whatever. I did tonight!

Now, I am TERRIFIED of treadmills. They make me dizzy and I have this irrational fear of tripping, breaking the fall with my face, getting my clothes sucked into the stupid thing and dying a miserable death while the people around me point and laugh but there’s no time like the present to conquer fears, right? I climbed on and took off.

To my surprise, it wasn’t as terrible as I thought it would be. In fact, it was easier for me to run on that thing than it is for me to run on the trails outside. I was able to go longer, and faster, than I had been outside because my shins weren’t cramping up. I think it might be because the treadmill is a little cushion-y whereas the trails are solid concrete. I think I’m going to stick with that for the time being, at least until I get my insoles broken in properly and can start using them outside. I did the full 8 runs in 45/90 intervals and I didn’t even feel like I was going to die which was pretty flippin’ awesome.

 

 

Week 2: Part 2

I didn’t realize it had been almost a week since I posted anything here but what can I say? I got busy living life and didn’t have free time to do it! I have, however, been sticking with the workouts so go me!

So last Thursday Des and I decided to meet up since we weren’t able to do that on Sunday due to her being sick. She’d gotten some bad news from the Dr. earlier that day so we were both feeling motivated to get off our asses and get to it. (I’ll let her fill you in on the details of the Dr. visit.) We picked a spot between our offices to meet; the new trails along the Oklahoma River. Those of you locally know the area and I guess the excitement went to our brains and clouded our judgement. The area where we met was on the westend where they haven’t installed lights yet. It was OK when we first got there but by the end of our workout it was pretty scary. I’m not gonna lie, I brought my giant maglite flashlight with me and my paranoia meter was off the charts. I think it will be a nice place to go in the spring/summer when the sun is out but I’m gonna stay away from there after dark because it was just too creepy.

The workout went great, by the way. We made it 6 rounds which is 2 more than she had done before. Then we ended it with a yummy thai dinner downtown with Man Stallion. Yeah, I know, kind of defeats the purpose but we worked extra hard and deserved it, dammit!

It was frigid and snowing/sleeting Sunday when we were supposed to meet but we got together and weighed anyway and did some Zumba on the Wii instead of running. It was every bit as embarrassing to do it with someone else as I had imagined it would be, maybe even a little more. Oh, you wanna know about the weigh-ins? OK, fine. Des lost an incredible 8.8 lbs and I GAINED 2. WTF.

I know why that happened though…even though I had been really good about food all week, I didn’t really monitor it over the weekend. Add that to the fact that we went to a buffet Saturday night before our Elvis impersonator concert, where I managed to practically eat my weight in prime rib, it’s really no wonder. I was bloated and puffy and totally paying for it. The good news is while it was hard to see on the scale, I didn’t let it defeat me like I have in the past. It caused me to be even more focused and this week has been great so far.

Running with the Red Coyote

So I already talked about how bad my shins were hurting last night, right? They were burning and cramping and I had to stop before I wanted to because it was just too much. No amount of stretching or massaging made it any better. I came home, literally fell onto the floor and made Man Stallion stretch them out for me. I could barely walk at all last night and even standing was a struggle. This is obviously unacceptable so I decided to do some reading. Turns out that what I’m experiencing is more than likely shin splints so I kept reading and figured out the best way to cure this is to make sure my shoes fit correctly and keep my feet aligned properly and with that info I headed off to Red Coyote.

Red Coyote is a specialty running store here in OKC. I chose this store because they have the equipment to do a gait analysis. I had never heard of such a thing but it does exist! So what they do is they have you take off your shoes and socks and they make you run on a treadmill at a comfortable pace for 15-20 seconds while a camera films your lower legs from behind. Then you move over to the monitor and they play it in slow motion to see where your heels hit and what happens to your feet as you move through the step. According to my “fit expert”, Jon, I have great form. My achilles stays straight and stable through the movement. However, the back outside of my heels strike the ground first and then my feet roll inward a little. It is normal for this to happen to a certain degree. However, in my situation, that is causing my arches to flatten out a little in the middle of the step. My feet are not flexing properly so the muscles in my inner foot and the front of my calves are tightening up to try to pull the arch back into position thus leading to the excruciating pain I feel when I run for too long.

Jon asked me to choose a pair of shoes from the wall that were most similar to the ones I wear to run. I did and he then told me that he felt the problems I am having could be resolved by adding a simple insole to my current shoes but said he would be happy to pull some shoes for me to try the insoles in to see how they felt.  Then I could decide if I wanted just the insoles, or the insoles and the shoes. I went there with every intention of buying shoes but I thought it was awesome that he didn’t try to pressure me into it.

I was afraid they wouldn’t have any girly styles in my size (I wear an 11 and typically have to buy men’s tennis shoes for this reason) but much to my delight, they carry up to a 12 in women’s. Jon went to the back and pulled out 6 or 7 pairs that fit my needs. I tried them all on, ran up and down the sidewalk outside, and picked my favorite pair. My legs felt better almost immediately with the insoles so even though I wanted to buy the super cute, super turquoise shoes that felt the best, I opted to just get the insoles. He told me all about how to break them in before I attempt to use them while running. I guess just tossing them right into my shoes would cause even more problems. The coolest thing about the insoles is I can bring them back within 6 months if they don’t help with the problem. I felt like it was a no lose situation so I ponied up the $45 and left, feeling pumped and ready to go.

I really hope these work because it is finally starting to be enjoyable. I have set a goal for myself and I am determined to achieve it but it will be next to impossible if I fall over in a puddle of tears because my legs are hurting so bad. If these things really do work, I am going to go back to the Red Coyote and give Jon a great big hug.

 

 

 

Week 2: Part 1

Sunday: I woke up feeling incredibly motivated. I cleaned the house, started the laundry and then decided to go get the Zumba game for the Wii. (I’m not gonna lie that the cable being out helped my motivation trendously.) I brought it home, popped it in and gave it my all for a full 20 minutes. It was a mix of easy and hard steps, fast and slow, but it was a ton of fun and it went by really quickly. I’m not sure I would be comfortable doing it in front of anyone, not even Man Stallion at this point, but I will definitely keep doing it on my own.

Sunday is also the day that Des and I are supposed to meet up, do the c25k workout and check in on each other’s progress. This week though Des was not feeling well at all so I opted to go with my rollergirl friend, Taryn Bonesapart, instead. (She’s every bit as tough as the name suggests.) I was incredibly nervous because one, she’s a relatively new friend and I still get that stupid “OMG what should I talk about? What if I laugh at something that is totally not funny and she thinks I’m a freak?!” kind of feeling, and secondly, she’s a freakin’ rollergirl! Even so, I followed through and we met up, warmed up, and then she proceeded to kick my ass for 30 minutes. I finally had to scream Mercy and she let me off the hook, but I was still proud of myself. We did 5 rounds of 60 second runs with a couple minutes walking (and cussing) in between. We also did some plyometrics afterward and that was the part I liked best.

Tuesday: Tuesdays I am on my own which makes it a little more difficult to actually go do it after a long day at work but I came home, got dinner going (broccoli cheese soup, YUM!), changed and took off before I sat down long enough to talk myself out of it. I took my Roy (the dog) with me. I just have to say, he is so freakin’ cute when he sees me get my running shoes out. He is not normally a very excitable dog (those of you who have been around him know how chill he is most of the time) but he whines and jumps around and wags his tail and can’t wait to head out. We started out with a nice little warm up walk, then took off. I decided I would cut the runs back to 45 seconds and do 75 second walks in between.  I did 6 sets of that tonight and it was much easier this time around. He didn’t even look at me like I was going to die this time! He kept looking up at me but this time it seemed more like he was proud than anything. I’m sure I am projecting, but hey, whatever works right?

It’s finally getting to the point that I can almost breathe comfortably while running and I can nearly regain my breath in between sets. I think I’ll beready to do the 60-90 intervals consistently the week after next but for now I am sticking to my 45-75 intervals and will just increase the sets.

The thing that is holding me back the most is my shins and arches. HOLY HELL I had no idea such a simple exercise could hurt so badly! I’ve been told that it’s just because those muscles aren’t well formed anymore and while I don’t really want to admit that, it does make sense and I know that is what it is. I also know as I keep doing it, it will hurt less and less. No amount of pain is going to stop me now. I’m finally getting to the point where it is kind of fun and I know it will be even more fun as I get better.

Good-bye Letter

Dear Friend,

This is my good-bye letter to you.

You have been what I thought was a good friend for a long time.

You have been there for me when no one else was.

You have comforted me when no one else was around.

You have never judged me, when the whole world was against me.

Yet like my past loves, it was an illusion.

You have not been a good friend to me.

You only made me think you were on my side, when all along you were sabotaging me.

You made me think you were comforting me, when all along you were making me feel uncomfortable.

Yes, you were not judging me but you were seeing to it that the world judged me instead.

My eyes have been opened. I will not be fooled any longer.

You are not my friend. You have not been good to me.

Therefore, Food. You are not welcome in my life any longer.

Good-bye!

Week 1 in Review

I admit that I haven’t been very good about updating this thing this week, but I was battling a nasty cold. I felt like getting out of bed, getting myself into a halfway presentable state for work, and driving there was enough of an accomplishment. So here’s a recap of how my week went in relation to the new diet/c25k plan.

FOOD:

I ate breakfast at home and brought my lunch every day this week. I even actually ATE what I brought with the exception of one day but that was because my FIL offered to buy me some Big Truck Tacos for taking time out of my day to take him to the doctor. That was a real sacrifice. How could you possibly expect me to pass that up? Still, that hasn’t happened for a LOOOONG time so I am pretty proud of myself. My caloric intake stayed between 1500-1650 every day except Friday (NYE party, lots of food, you get the picture) but that is still a huge win when I consider there were some days that I would have had that for BREAKFAST.

c25k:

12/26/10 – first time out. We started off strong but lost a little steam- walked for 5 minutes, stretched, then went into the plan. We ran for 60 seconds the first round, 60 seconds the second time, and 30 seconds the third time. However, the break between each run got longer each time. We walked the rest of the 30 minutes but that is more than either of us have done recently. Depsite the fact that my shins were burning and I had no feeling in my feet (tied my shoes too tight), it felt good to get out, get moving, and break a little sweat. We came to the realization that there is no possible way to do this in 9 weeks…I have no idea how ANY fat person could do this in 9 weeks, but that won’t stop us from keepin’ on keepin’ on.

12/28/10 – I was really feeling the cold today and almost talked myself out of going but I changed clothes as soon as I got home, grabbed Roy and headed out the door. My iPod wasn’t charged and that sucked but it allowed me to focus more on my breathing. Walked five minutes, stretched, and took off running. Now, I understand that dogs aren’t people, but I have never seen a more sincere look of concern on the face of any other creature as the one that Roy had while watching me run. He kept up, led even, but he kept looking up at me as if to say “Look, fatty, you know I don’t have the ability to do CPR so please don’t pass out on me. I’d really like to get home and eat tonight.” I was able to do 4 rounds of running which was better than I was able to do on Sunday so I felt pretty good about that. I was out a total of 30 minutes.

12/30/10 – I should have gone out but I couldn’t. I felt terrible, I had a crazy day at work and I didn’t get home until almost 8. I resolved myself to go Friday morning instead and went to bed early. Friday rolled around and I ended up feeling worse than I had the night before. Luckily,  I was off work so I got up, laid on the couch, and fell asleep for several hours while the chud watched cartoons (or porn…I really couldn’t have cared less to be honest).  I woke up feeling better and headed to my cousin’s house where we played Skipbo and hung out waiting for the other party guests to arrive. I DID manage to get some exercise in, even if it wasn’t the c25k plan. They have a new Kinnect and we played on that. My arms are STILL sore today and I broke one hell of a sweat so it counts.

I am excited to meet up with Des tomorrow and see if we can crank out 5 rounds of running. That will be my goal and we’ll see how close I get to achieving it.

One thing I do know is that week 2 will be easier for 2 reasons: 1. I am almost over this cold so that won’t be holding me back and 2. the hard part is behind us; we have started!