Well, shit.

The title pretty much sums it up. I blew it this week in a big way. Not only did I eat ridiculously “bad” all week, but I also didn’t get a single workout in. It’s amazing how gross I feel now after not doing anything all week. I guess that’s a sign that my body isn’t rejecting the exercise anymore but is actually expecting it now.

I can sit here and make excuses and say that work was too busy and we had guests in town for a couple nights and I just couldn’t find the time, but the truth is I could have. I just didn’t. I feel a like a loser. I was doing so good and had stuck with it for a whole month and then BAM! Nothing.

OK, enough beating myself up. I will hit it super hard this week. Tomorrow I am going to the Y to run for a bit and then I’m going to hit the pool for a nice swim. I seriously heart swimming. In fact, when we finally get to the point where we can build our underground house we want so bad, we’ll be having an enclosed pool built in with it (even if that means postponing the build a couple years). I would swim every.single.day. if we had that, especially if all I had to do was throw on my suit and walk across the house. OMG, that would be so flippin’ sweet!! I might never leave the house. Like, EVER.

Uh, sorry. Got a little sidetracked there. I almost forgot to tell you that I registered Des and I for our first run today! It’s a mile run on March 27th, but I figure that is a totally doable goal considering that we’re just now to Week 1 on the official program despite doing this for a full 4 weeks. March 27th. Just about 2 months from today. We can do that, right? So yeah, back to it tomorrow and I will feel so much better this week and I shall update again soon.

Day of Reckoning: Part 1

So today is our 4 week weight/measure. We both approached the scale with trepedation, but I think we both did really well. Current weight/measurements are:

Jana                                                                                       Des

Weight                                    253.3                             239.2

Neck                                       15 1/2                              15 1/4

Upper Chest                        45 1/2                              41 1/2

Boobs                                     47 1/2                              46

Right Upper Arm              14 1/4                               14 1/2

Waist                                       48 1/4                              45

Hips                                         51 3/4                              49 3/4

Right Upper Thigh            26 1/2                               25 1/2

Right Mid Calf                     16 3/4                               18

Total Loss:                           7.75 inches                    7.25 inches

Total Pounds:                      6.7 lbs                              13.5 lbs

All I have to say is we are rockin’ this motherheifer!! That’s not too shabby for 4 whole weeks.

I’d post more but we are going to celebrate with sushi. 🙂

Ice, ice, baby.

We got some freezing rain and a little snow yesterday so everything was icy. I got to stay home from work which was awesome. Man Stallion and I hung out and played games and drank wine and had a fantastic time. But since it was icy, I didn’t get to run. It was too cold/slick to do it outside and running in place is just stupid. (Although I realize running on a treadmill is basically the same thing as running in place, at least it FEELS like you’re going somewhere.) So I brought my workout stuff with me today with the intention of hitting the fitness room here at the office before I leave for the weekend to make up for missing yesterday.

In other news, I have been eating SO good this week! I had one “cheat” meal but I don’t feel at all guilty for it. I have to change my way of thinking a little…this is something that I am doing FOR LIFE, not just until I get to whatever goal I set for myself. If I deprive myself, I know I’ll end up right back where I started. There are going to be times when I want to have massive amounts of chips and salsa and enchiladas and pizza and I have to be able to indulge a little from time to time in order to stay focused on the other days. So when I want something and CANNOT resist it, I am going to have it and I will just focus on controlling the portion size of what I have. There is no way I’ll EVER stop eating things like cheese and bacon and fettucine alfredo. It’s NOT going to happen and I think it’s unrealistic of me to ever even THINK that, but I CAN control how much of those things I eat. That is the recipe for long term success. Anyway, I am pumped for tonight and I am pumped to see the hard work paying off on Sunday when we meet for the one month weigh/measure.

And now I’m hungry.

…keep moving forward.

The quote Jana posted really struck home for me; this inspiration came to me last week and this quote describes it perfectly

“If you can’t fly, then run. If you can’t run, then walk. If you can’t walk, then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

Driving in my car last week, this thought just came over me.  It only takes “ONE” more step to move forward.  Surely I can find the strength for just one more step.   

Then a couple of days later my new physical therapist told me a story.  One of his patients was severely over weight and she was telling him she can barely make it to the mailbox.  He told her not to be discouraged that ANY progress is still progress.  He suggested to her that every day she add a couple of steps.  Go just one more square on the sidewalk, then go to the neighbors mailbox, and then to the end of the street.  Even if it takes you a year….it’s still progress.  He said he lost touch with her and a couple of years later they crossed paths.  He didn’t even recognize her, she had lost well over 100 lbs.  She cried when she saw him and said that she did just what he said.  Mailbox, one more square, neighbors mailbox, end of the street, and before she knew it around the block.

So you can see how MLK, Jr’s quote resonated with me.  It’s going to be my mantra through this process.

It even works with over eating.  Just have 2 less chips than you had yesterday, 1 less soda, 1 less french fry.  It’s OK if you can’t give it ALL up.  Just one less is still progress and something you should feel good about.

Little by little, day by day, moment by moment ….. Your changing.

Week 4: Part 1

Des and I skipped meeting up on Sunday because she wasn’t feeling well so we met up yesterday instead. She came up to my office and we used the treadmills here. Now I’m gonna take a minute to toot our own horns. We totally kicked that workout’s ass last night! For the first time, we made it through all 8 rounds of 45 second runs with a minute and a half in between and spent a full 30 minutes on the treadmills. I know this might not seem like much but if you had seen us the first day, you would understand what a giant accomplishment this is.

Also, those insoles have made my feet and shins SO happy! My legs got a little crampy at the beginning but I think it is because we skipped stretching. I won’t be doing that again! I am sore today where I haven’t been before, but I think it’s because I finally pushed myself to do the whole thing.

I feel invigorated and accomplished. I have my motivation back again and I am so excited about the next couple workouts. I think we’ll easily be doing the full 60/90 workouts next week which will basically mean we’ve hit week 1 of the program. Gah, when I think about it like that, it feels a little like I’ve been forced to take a remedial math course because I couldn’t keep up with the rest of the class.  But I am making progress and progress is what it’s all about.

And now a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. that was introduced to me by my friend, Michelle, that has been running through my head since I read it:

“If you can’t fly, then run. If you can’t run, then walk. If you can’t walk, then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

HEAVY

I watched the premiere of the new A&E series “HEAVY” last night and to say the least, it was an eye opener. I REALLY do not want to end up like that. I felt very sad for them because I understand how easy it is to give up when something is such a struggle. I’m guilty of doing it myself in a few different areas of my life. But I was also kind of pissed off at them, like, how could you let it get past 300 lbs, let alone 600?? You know?

Anyway, it has given me the motivation I’ve been lacking the last week or so. I’m going to spend at the very least a 30 full minutes on the treadmill tonight and I’m going to run for as long as I can as many times as I can BECAUSE I can. I am grateful that I am still able to move, and sit, and tie my shoes comfortably, and I need to start showing my body that appreciation.

BTW, that show is totally going on my DVR list so I can watch it when I feel tired or want to give up.

I know, I know …..

I should have written something by now.  I got scolded by Jana, promised and STILL didn’t post anything.   Sorry Jana!

For the first time ever, I think I just didn’t have any thing to say.  What can I write that hasn’t already been said?  All my old journals, notes and self-motivating quotes I had written down in the last 3 years have pretty much said it all.   You wouldn’t believe the documentation I’ve found going through some of my old things.  It’s made me angry, sad, disappointed and embarrassed.  Why didn’t I just stick with it then?  WHY!?  The sheer bitterness just pretty much made me clam up. 

That was then and this is now…..

I can’t be that person anymore.   So, I’m forcing myself to write.  I HAVE to break free of these mental chains. 

I’m not going to say, “won’t” because I have to.

I’m not going to say, “can’t” because there is not such thing.

I’m will not say, “in a little while” because there is no time like the present. 

I will not say, “I need to” because I am going to.

I will not say, “I am going to change” because I HAVE changed. 

I may laugh, curse, cry, spit and moan but as God as my witness I will claw my way out of this hell hole I’ve dug for myself.   (ok, that was a bit dramatic even for me)  Seriously though, that’s what I feel like.  I feel like I’m fighting the devil himself with nothing but a spork.

So as you can see the last 3 weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions.   I’m very lucky to have wonderful friends who think I’m a nut job anyway, so none of this crap scares them off.

OH! (sidetracked) After two 1/2 weeks of doing so good; my boyfriend brings me back a present from his recent business trip.  This has NEVER happened before so as you can imagine I was a little surprised and excited.   Not in a million years will you guess what this boy handed me. 

A pound of Rocky Road Fudge.  

REALLY!?  Not a “I heart Kansas” key chain or snow globe that has little farmers in it? 

Rocky Road Fudge!!!

I was so shocked, I didn’t even have words.  I just said, “Thank-you for the thought” and went in my closet and cried for about 10 min.  THEN to top it all off, he had the nerve to yell out (while I’m in the closet) “Are you going to even try it?”   I could have beat him to death with that block of fudge, right then and there.    I can just see the headlines now, “Fat girl Fudges up her boyfriend”.  They probably would think I was trying to take it from him, rather than turn it down.   Sooooo, just a word of advice if your thinking of purchasing a gift for a loved one.   Think about what they are trying to accomplish in their life and DON’T do the complete opposite.  Socks, Socks are always good.

So as I embark on week 4, I feel pretty good.  3 weeks have already gone by so quickly.  Even if they weren’t perfect, they are under by belt.   Check, Check & Check.   The next several months will do the same.  Soon I will be on the other side of this and once and for all I will be able look back on what I wrote and say, “I finally did it.”

Week 3: Part 2

There really isn’t much to say about the rest of week 3 because I didn’t do anything. I am not proud of this. In fact, I am furious and disappointed in myself because it was getting easier. I just let other factors stop me. Work was crazy…I worked late every night last week and even came in on Saturday. Then Des was sick on Sunday so I cooked meals for the week instead. Even though I knew I would feel better if I went and ran, I could not muster the motivation to put on my shoes and go. I let my laziness get the best of me.

I did, however, do really well with the diet portion of the program. I brought my lunch every day and only indulged on a couple of meals, and even those were not nearly as bad as it could have been (well, ok, maybe the pizza was a bad idea). That 4 week weigh/measure is staring me down and I’m not going to let it get the best of me this time!

With all that said, I feel much better this week and I’m ready to get back at it. I even brought my workout clothes with me today so I can take advantage of the fitness room at my office. My goal for this week is to get in 5 workouts at least 30 minutes long.  I can pretty much guarantee that they won’t all be runs but it is 2 times more than what I’ve been doing so it will help. I know I can eat right all week long but unless I bump up the cardio, nothing’s really going to happen. (See above about the 4 week weigh/measure.)

In other news, those insoles have basically saved my life. I haven’t ran (run?) in them yet but I wore them around the house all day yesterday and my feet didn’t hurt AT ALL. That is marked improvement from before when my feet would make me want to eat a gun after a few minutes of standing. Stupid plantar fasciitis. I’m also hoping that they help with this weird wart/corn/bunion thing I have on the inside of my little toe. It’s tiny but it freakin’ HURTS and also? I’m not 80! I’m not supposed to have corns at this age!!

So, yeah. I am ready to kick this week’s ass and make it like it. We’ll see if I’m able to follow through this time.

Week 3: Part 1

Ok, so like I said before, we weren’t able to run on Sunday because of the weather. Well, the weather just got worse. Currently, it is a blistering 18 degrees outside and that doesn’t even take into account the wind. I opted to go ahead and do the workout though and decided to do it on the treadmill at my office. Yes, my office has a treadmill in it. Well, not MY office, but the building my office is in. There is a whole little fitness center in there actually that is free and at my disposal anytime I want to use it. Why I haven’t taken advantage of it before now, I don’t know but whatever. I did tonight!

Now, I am TERRIFIED of treadmills. They make me dizzy and I have this irrational fear of tripping, breaking the fall with my face, getting my clothes sucked into the stupid thing and dying a miserable death while the people around me point and laugh but there’s no time like the present to conquer fears, right? I climbed on and took off.

To my surprise, it wasn’t as terrible as I thought it would be. In fact, it was easier for me to run on that thing than it is for me to run on the trails outside. I was able to go longer, and faster, than I had been outside because my shins weren’t cramping up. I think it might be because the treadmill is a little cushion-y whereas the trails are solid concrete. I think I’m going to stick with that for the time being, at least until I get my insoles broken in properly and can start using them outside. I did the full 8 runs in 45/90 intervals and I didn’t even feel like I was going to die which was pretty flippin’ awesome.

 

 

Week 2: Part 2

I didn’t realize it had been almost a week since I posted anything here but what can I say? I got busy living life and didn’t have free time to do it! I have, however, been sticking with the workouts so go me!

So last Thursday Des and I decided to meet up since we weren’t able to do that on Sunday due to her being sick. She’d gotten some bad news from the Dr. earlier that day so we were both feeling motivated to get off our asses and get to it. (I’ll let her fill you in on the details of the Dr. visit.) We picked a spot between our offices to meet; the new trails along the Oklahoma River. Those of you locally know the area and I guess the excitement went to our brains and clouded our judgement. The area where we met was on the westend where they haven’t installed lights yet. It was OK when we first got there but by the end of our workout it was pretty scary. I’m not gonna lie, I brought my giant maglite flashlight with me and my paranoia meter was off the charts. I think it will be a nice place to go in the spring/summer when the sun is out but I’m gonna stay away from there after dark because it was just too creepy.

The workout went great, by the way. We made it 6 rounds which is 2 more than she had done before. Then we ended it with a yummy thai dinner downtown with Man Stallion. Yeah, I know, kind of defeats the purpose but we worked extra hard and deserved it, dammit!

It was frigid and snowing/sleeting Sunday when we were supposed to meet but we got together and weighed anyway and did some Zumba on the Wii instead of running. It was every bit as embarrassing to do it with someone else as I had imagined it would be, maybe even a little more. Oh, you wanna know about the weigh-ins? OK, fine. Des lost an incredible 8.8 lbs and I GAINED 2. WTF.

I know why that happened though…even though I had been really good about food all week, I didn’t really monitor it over the weekend. Add that to the fact that we went to a buffet Saturday night before our Elvis impersonator concert, where I managed to practically eat my weight in prime rib, it’s really no wonder. I was bloated and puffy and totally paying for it. The good news is while it was hard to see on the scale, I didn’t let it defeat me like I have in the past. It caused me to be even more focused and this week has been great so far.