The last couple weeks have been hectic but in a good way. We’re finally wrapping up the latest project at work so I have actually been able to be in the office and I am starting to get caught up on everything. That feels SO good. We’ve been staying busy on the weekend taking fun little mini-vacations to places around the state. Most people don’t know this but Oklahoma has some real treasures within our borders.Last weekend, the three of us  loaded up in the car and went to a town called Sulphur where they have natural springs and beautiful trails all through the woods. We explored and sucked Honeysuckle (I was so happy to be able to pass this down to my son…he’d never heard of such a thing and thought I had lost my mind at first.) and had a great time together. Those are the moments life is all about.

I’ve been faithfully going to WW for a full 8 weeks now…yesterday was the start of my 9th week and so far, I am down 10.8 lbs. YAY ME! I feel great, I am starting to feel the difference, and it is keeping me motivated. I am 2.2 pounds from my first goal of 5% weight loss so I am pushing myself to make it this week. So far, so good. (Even though it’s only been a day.)

At this time I would like to give props (is it still acceptable to say “give props”? Gaw, I am getting old!) to my wonderful husband. He has his own issues with weight but he has taken some major steps in the right direction lately and I am SO, SOOO proud of him. He is not doing the WW program with me, but he has nearly cut all fast food out of his diet. He is making healthier choices, and by doing so is making it easier for me to stay on track as well. He is eating breakfast at home now and taking his lunch to work. He has also been going to the park with me and the chud to play basketball pretty much every evening, which is a HUGE deal. For a long time, it was all I could do to get him to walk to the car to go get some ice cream. Now he says he even looks forward to it! He is making small changes, and little by little they are adding up. In the last two months, he has lost 8 lbs. That’s not drastic, but it is something and I couldn’t be more proud to see him taking steps in the right direction. The healthier he is, the longer he’ll be around for me to nag and pick on.

So that’s about it. Work. Sleep. Eat. A little fun. Repeat. Good stuff.

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George Gray

I have studied many times
The marble which was chiseled for me —
A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.
In truth it pictures not my destination
But my life.
For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;
Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;
Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.
And now I know that we must lift the sail
And catch the winds of destiny
Wherever they drive the boat.
To put meaning in one’s life may end in madness,
But life without meaning is the torture
Of restlessness and vague desire —
It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.

~ Edgar Lee Masters

HOPE

” HOPE begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.  You wait and watch and work: You don’t give up”.

just tired

This whole thing is just exhausting.

I’ve started to type a blog about 77x but just couldn’t muster the energy. Between everything else I had (have)
going on, I just didn’t have another ounce.

I didn’t want to be negative
I didn’t want to be positive
I didn’t want to be inspirational
I didn’t want to be happy
I didn’t want to be sad

Work, Relationships, Money, Vehicles, Food, Weight, Exercise, On and On …..

I am however, still fighting. I stand steadfast in the belief that I have to move forward NO MATTER what. I don’t care if I lose 1 ounce per week, it’s still going forward.

I joined Weight Watchers but I’m not really enjoying it, it just seems like another job to me. I’m really trying to stick it out but I just find it tedious. I have lost a little weight and am thankful but blah blah blah.

Maybe I’m just in a funk or something.

Ya think!?

Next week I may be riding high on this roller coaster of life but today I want off of this ride, take my stuffed animals, my cotton candy and go home to take a nap.

I bet you thought I’d given up…

But by golly, I have NOT! I am still here, still battling, still making progress. I just got a little derailed, that’s all.

For those of you who aren’t obsessed with my every status update on the Facebook, (and let’s be honest, there really are just a few who AREN’T) I tore my calf muscle a couplfew weeks ago while playing basketball with my son and my man stallion. As you might imagine, that has put the running on hold for the time being. I am finally getting around without screaming “Ow, oww, owww, OWWWW!” in my head every time I take a step so that is progress, but I’m still not 100% and my leg lets me know it. To be quite honest though, I had sort of given up a little before that happened.

See, I have always been one where athletic things have come very naturally to me. Take me snow skiing? I’ll be running blacks before the trip is over. Challenge me to a game of tennis? I will give you a good run for your money. Take me swimming? I will lap you. Take me to the basketball court? I WILL CRUSH YOU (and as it turns out, very likely tear a calf muscle in the process). I am competitive and I like to win. I’m not even sure if win is the right word here…I like to DOMINATE. And until I decided to take up running, I nearly always have done just that.

When I first decided to take on the C25K I thought to myself, “How hard could it REALLY be? One foot in front of the other…just like walking, but a little more movement and some extra jiggling involved. No biggie. I can totally do this.” But I was WRONG. There is that whole mind over matter thing and that’s where I got hung up. I started off really strong (like I do with most things) but when it didn’t become easy right away I could not convince myself, despite all sorts of attempts at bargaining and rewards and positive self talk, that I could do it and that’s where I still am today. I could not push myself to take that extra step and make progress.

I know all the cliches…can’t never could…nothing worth doing is ever easy…you know the ones I am talking about here. None of that helps me. I have got to get my head back in the game and think of it more like a personal challenge than a personal defeat. I have not given up and if anything, my resolve has actually been strengthened since I basically gave up. Correction: Paused to Reflect. (Yes, I like that much better.) I know what I need to do, I know how I need to do it, and so once I heal completely, I WILL do it, even if it takes me a year to be able to run a mile.

In other news, I decided to start Weight Watchers again for the millionth time. Today is the end of my 6th week and I am down a full and exact 10 lbs from when I started which puts me in the 240’s (barely, but it counts dammit). I really can’t remember the last time I have been in the 40’s and I am so excited about it.

This is about the point where I would have started to lose interest in the program, quit tracking, and eventually quit altogether, but I haven’t! In fact, I am finding the opposite to be true this time around. I didn’t overwhelm myself with all the new rules all at once. I don’t know how many of you have been to WW before, but it is incredibly intimidating and overwhelming at first. When I started back this time I was determined to stick with it and go to every single meeting whether that meant a gain on my record or not. This time I started off slow, added little things here and there, cut back on things and weeded other stuff out completely. I have stayed for the meetings and listened to other members’ problems and feedback and accomplishments. What a surprise…it’s working now and I am getting more out of it than I ever have before!I am in it to win it and I WILL DOMINATE IT.

So anyway, that’s what’s new with me. I’m still here, still working, still struggling, still making progress.

 

 

 

I’m still here!

Yes, I have 101 excuses ….

Blizzard like weather

Bad back

Hurt knee

Trying to spend time with family

You know the drill….

In the past I would be down on myself for slipping up, or not being on target with my well thought out plan, or I would be “starting over” because I feel off the wagon but THAT WAS THEN.  Today I am just as resolved as I was a few months ago.  I have just been crawling lately, rather than running but I’m still moving forward.

I weighed this morning and to my amazement I’ve met my 1st goal ….. 15 lbs Gone!   That’s right people.  You are witnessing history.  15 pounds that you, nor I will EVER see again.  

Now on to goal # 2 …. 15 more lbs.

Well, shit.

The title pretty much sums it up. I blew it this week in a big way. Not only did I eat ridiculously “bad” all week, but I also didn’t get a single workout in. It’s amazing how gross I feel now after not doing anything all week. I guess that’s a sign that my body isn’t rejecting the exercise anymore but is actually expecting it now.

I can sit here and make excuses and say that work was too busy and we had guests in town for a couple nights and I just couldn’t find the time, but the truth is I could have. I just didn’t. I feel a like a loser. I was doing so good and had stuck with it for a whole month and then BAM! Nothing.

OK, enough beating myself up. I will hit it super hard this week. Tomorrow I am going to the Y to run for a bit and then I’m going to hit the pool for a nice swim. I seriously heart swimming. In fact, when we finally get to the point where we can build our underground house we want so bad, we’ll be having an enclosed pool built in with it (even if that means postponing the build a couple years). I would swim every.single.day. if we had that, especially if all I had to do was throw on my suit and walk across the house. OMG, that would be so flippin’ sweet!! I might never leave the house. Like, EVER.

Uh, sorry. Got a little sidetracked there. I almost forgot to tell you that I registered Des and I for our first run today! It’s a mile run on March 27th, but I figure that is a totally doable goal considering that we’re just now to Week 1 on the official program despite doing this for a full 4 weeks. March 27th. Just about 2 months from today. We can do that, right? So yeah, back to it tomorrow and I will feel so much better this week and I shall update again soon.

Day of Reckoning: Part 1

So today is our 4 week weight/measure. We both approached the scale with trepedation, but I think we both did really well. Current weight/measurements are:

Jana                                                                                       Des

Weight                                    253.3                             239.2

Neck                                       15 1/2                              15 1/4

Upper Chest                        45 1/2                              41 1/2

Boobs                                     47 1/2                              46

Right Upper Arm              14 1/4                               14 1/2

Waist                                       48 1/4                              45

Hips                                         51 3/4                              49 3/4

Right Upper Thigh            26 1/2                               25 1/2

Right Mid Calf                     16 3/4                               18

Total Loss:                           7.75 inches                    7.25 inches

Total Pounds:                      6.7 lbs                              13.5 lbs

All I have to say is we are rockin’ this motherheifer!! That’s not too shabby for 4 whole weeks.

I’d post more but we are going to celebrate with sushi. 🙂

Ice, ice, baby.

We got some freezing rain and a little snow yesterday so everything was icy. I got to stay home from work which was awesome. Man Stallion and I hung out and played games and drank wine and had a fantastic time. But since it was icy, I didn’t get to run. It was too cold/slick to do it outside and running in place is just stupid. (Although I realize running on a treadmill is basically the same thing as running in place, at least it FEELS like you’re going somewhere.) So I brought my workout stuff with me today with the intention of hitting the fitness room here at the office before I leave for the weekend to make up for missing yesterday.

In other news, I have been eating SO good this week! I had one “cheat” meal but I don’t feel at all guilty for it. I have to change my way of thinking a little…this is something that I am doing FOR LIFE, not just until I get to whatever goal I set for myself. If I deprive myself, I know I’ll end up right back where I started. There are going to be times when I want to have massive amounts of chips and salsa and enchiladas and pizza and I have to be able to indulge a little from time to time in order to stay focused on the other days. So when I want something and CANNOT resist it, I am going to have it and I will just focus on controlling the portion size of what I have. There is no way I’ll EVER stop eating things like cheese and bacon and fettucine alfredo. It’s NOT going to happen and I think it’s unrealistic of me to ever even THINK that, but I CAN control how much of those things I eat. That is the recipe for long term success. Anyway, I am pumped for tonight and I am pumped to see the hard work paying off on Sunday when we meet for the one month weigh/measure.

And now I’m hungry.

…keep moving forward.

The quote Jana posted really struck home for me; this inspiration came to me last week and this quote describes it perfectly

“If you can’t fly, then run. If you can’t run, then walk. If you can’t walk, then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

Driving in my car last week, this thought just came over me.  It only takes “ONE” more step to move forward.  Surely I can find the strength for just one more step.   

Then a couple of days later my new physical therapist told me a story.  One of his patients was severely over weight and she was telling him she can barely make it to the mailbox.  He told her not to be discouraged that ANY progress is still progress.  He suggested to her that every day she add a couple of steps.  Go just one more square on the sidewalk, then go to the neighbors mailbox, and then to the end of the street.  Even if it takes you a year….it’s still progress.  He said he lost touch with her and a couple of years later they crossed paths.  He didn’t even recognize her, she had lost well over 100 lbs.  She cried when she saw him and said that she did just what he said.  Mailbox, one more square, neighbors mailbox, end of the street, and before she knew it around the block.

So you can see how MLK, Jr’s quote resonated with me.  It’s going to be my mantra through this process.

It even works with over eating.  Just have 2 less chips than you had yesterday, 1 less soda, 1 less french fry.  It’s OK if you can’t give it ALL up.  Just one less is still progress and something you should feel good about.

Little by little, day by day, moment by moment ….. Your changing.